Valentine’s Day can be a real trigger point for people who are dealing with fertility issues and going through treatment.
Shops are full of cards and flowers, social media is awash with sentimental posts and photos, and there is a certain expectation that everyone should be happy and loved up.
The reality for many people is that they are actually having a hard time, and while they love their partner, romance isn’t always easy when you are trying to get pregnant.
We have some tips about how you can keep the spark alive and make being together fun once again.
Connect outside of your fertile times
We know that there is huge pressure to have sex when you are most fertile, but these aren’t the only times you should be intimate with your partner. Yes, be sexually active on these dates, but if you restrict it to these times, it can make having sex seem like just a baby making activity, so do it for fun as well and it will keep you connected.
Remember it’s about pleasure
Sex needs to be enjoyable, so try not to neglect your pleasure. Turn your phones off, maybe have a bath or shower together, put on your favourite lingerie, light some candles, buy some new bedding and enjoy one another again. Doing this might not make a baby, but it will help to bring you closer together and take some of the pressure off performing.
Find the right times for you
While we do say that couples need to have sex every couple of days around the time of ovulation, this isn’t possible all the time. Find a pattern and frequency that works for you, rather than putting a red pen reminder on the calendar and rigidly sticking to it. Also think about when you feel like sex? Is it first thing in the morning, after a workout or in the evening when the troubles of the day is behind you? Speak to each other about what works for you, and try to snatch that odd elicit hour because being spontaneous can be amazing for your sex life and really bring you together.
Have date nights
Let’s not pretend here, if you are trying to have a baby, things can get quite regimented, but this won’t help keep you emotionally connected. Dinner with friends, watching a film at the cinema or going bowling can take the focus off treatment and ovulation kits and give you a chance to relax and have fun together. Date nights can easily slip, so if it’s in the diary, stick to it. Be sure to make time for each other.
Being intimate isn’t just about having sex, and some couples forget about this. A cuddle on the sofa, a hug before going to work or just holding hands when you are walking along the High Street, are easy ways to maintain the physical intimacy that is needed to fuel any relationship and keep you close.
Surprise each other
Ordering flowers, buying tickets to a show or booking a weekend away are all ways to surprise your partner and show them you really do care about them. Taking the initiative to do something kind can help the two of you remember why you are trying so hard to have a baby in the first place. Show that you are thinking of them.
Talk about more than just babies
It is only natural that you will want to talk about trying to conceive and babies, but do remember that there is life outside of this and it is important to focus on the two of you as a couple. Watch a movie and talk about the plot, go to a comedy club and laugh at something new, make dinner together and talk about your holiday plans. Whatever you do, keep talking and keep those lines of communication open.
Look at the bigger picture
We know that at times it won’t feel like there is much to celebrate when that blue line still isn’t showing, but just have a look around from time to time and see what you do have going for you. The burden of fertility issues can put a greyness over your life and there will be times when it is really hard, but try to stay positive and be grateful for what you do have together – love, commitment, a home, friends and support.
Exercising together can be fun, good for your overall health and with those feel good endorphins pumping around your body, it can relieve stress too, which can only be a good thing for both of you.
The Harley Street Fertility Clinic