Mother’s Day is meant to be a time for families to come together and celebrate the mothers they love. The shops are full of cards and gifts, social media is awash with images and memes about those perfect relationships and gushing messages seem to be everywhere.
As with so many things in life, what we see isn’t always the reality of what happens behind closed doors, but that doesn’t make dealing with this celebration, when you so desperately want to be a mother, any easier.
We have had a look at some of the ways you can look after yourself on the one Sunday of the year when you wish you could simply hide away from the world.
Don’t feel alone
We know this sounds trite, but please try to take a little comfort in knowing that you aren’t the only one who feels this way about Mother’s Day. Thousands of women struggle with fertility, some may have lost a child and others could be on the road to adoption, whoever they are and whatever their situation, there will be others feeling emotions like you. You might find that being part of an online fertility community can help you feel connected, supported and most importantly accepted and understood when others might not ‘get’ what you are going through. The Harley Street Fertility Clinic also has a patient support group which you can attend and this you feel you are not alone.
Dealing with family and friends
Loaded questions, pitying looks and well-meaning snippets of information are often part and parcel of social gatherings with loved ones. While they are no doubt trying to help, their words can be triggers you just don’t need on such a poignant day. If you feel that prying questions and too many babies and children, as well as cards and presents for mummy’s will be too much, make your excuses and if they love you, they will understand.
If you do have to spend time with relatives, set some time aside to mentally prepare for the day ahead. Recognise the triggers, people and words that you know have the potential to upset you and put a plan in place. Have a rehearsed answer for anything you don’t want to talk about, walk away from situations that get uncomfortable and set the time for leaving and that way you know you aren’t there forever, but have shown willing.
Keep away from the shops
We know it isn’t easy, but avoiding shops can help to take the sting out of what has become a very commercial event. Online shopping can take care of most day to day things, and if you have your own mum to buy for, there are some great sites out there like Not on the High Street and Bloom and Wild have something for everyone and cards too.
Mother's Day can really heighten feelings of overwhelm, so if you can, try to reclaim control. This could simply be doing what you want on the day rather than conforming to family requests and demands, Book a trip to the seaside, visit a gallery, see a movie or watch back to back soaps, just do something that works for you. This is a time for you to invest in your mental and emotional wellbeing and you need to give yourself permission to feel OK about that.
Yes, Mother’s day can bring in a lot of emotions who are trying to become mums. At the same time, one can channel this energy to do something about it. If you have been postponing seeking treatment or see a Specialist, you can make a start by booking a consultation with the doctor. This can hopefully help you become a ‘Mum’ by next Mother’s Day.
We know that Mother's Day is only 24 hours long, but the lead up to the day, and the day itself, really can deplete your energy reserves and leave you feel sad, tired and emotional. Make sure you look after yourself, eat well, drink lots of water, get plenty of rest, and why not plan a treat for the weekend after, so you have something to look forward to that will lift your spirits.