“I am not a nameless IVF failure - I am still Divya. I experienced an unfortunate outcome, and I am hurting. My husband and I know that we will have a family.”
Our amazing patient Divya shared with us her fertility story. In the first 2 parts, Divya spoke about choosing HSFC, her fertility treatment which included tests, egg collection and screening , as well as her embryo transfer and the dreaded 2-week wait. Today’s blog is about the results, the grief and the healing.
[audio mp3="https://hsfc.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/Our-HSFC-family-Divya-and-Tony-Part-3.mp3"][/audio]
The Results
"I went to central London to do the test - it was probably one of the longest days of my life, waiting and waiting for the phone call. When it came through, we were told that, sadly, our treatment cycle hadn’t been successful, and we lost Peanut.
”For the first few seconds, I remember poor Rachael who had to call me to tell me the sad news. She sounded as upset as I was. That’s the beautiful thing about everyone at the clinic; they are so much part of the journey that you are on. When you succeed, they celebrate with you, and when things don’t work out, they fall with you. For the first few seconds, I couldn’t hear anything. The world stopped.”
The Grief
Divya confesses her grief after losing Peanut: “the first week was very, very, very painful. I wouldn’t wish that on anybody. Nobody who begins an IVF cycle is thinking that it’s not going to work. In that first week, I was asking myself a lot of questions: did I do something wrong, did I eat something, did I not take my medications properly, did I not do enough exercise... you ask yourself a million questions. I didn’t know what to say to my husband. We were both in so much pain, just holding on to each other."
Divya continues: "I was amazed that the clinic didn’t let me feel alone. They checked on me every day, by text, email or phone. I was happy to be contacted. Dr Venkat herself called me, too. She was very busy at the clinic, but still made time for me. That meant the world. I knew I wasn’t just a nameless statistic of IVF failure; I was Divya, who had experienced an unfortunate outcome."
She also reveals that Dr Venkat was wonderful at sharing that sense of loss and shock. "We talked, and she asked how I was physically and emotionally, how my husband was coping... she asked if I wanted to speak with a counsellor, and she put in touch with Danni Singer, whose support I couldn’t have done without! To be able to speak with someone about everything we had been through was really important - the whole team made sure I never felt alone."
"When something like this happens, you wonder, who can I relate to? Who could possibly understand what I am going through? The truth is, people can."
The Healing
Divya brings us to the end of her story. "We are still healing. Every day, it is more manageable, easier. There are no absolutes in this journey, and they were right, they are no absolutes in terms of IVF."
"Some days are easier than others, but we are not giving up. We knew that IVF would have some challenges, and as Dr Venkat told me, IVF is a journey of perseverance, so, unfortunately, some have to persevere a little more than others. I am not a nameless IVF failure - I am still Divya. I experienced an unfortunate outcome, and I am hurting. My husband and I know that we will have a family. My husband and I know that we will have a family. We are determined to try again, and we wouldn’t want to be under the care of anyone else but the team at Harley Street Fertility Clinic. We know that there is every chance that we could succeed in our next attempt, but we also have to accept the possibility of not succeeding."
"We might need to make some choices, but we don’t know what they are until we get there. If we have got to ask those difficult questions, make those difficult choices, persevere just a little bit harder and face whatever is coming our way, we are where we have to be in terms of finding the answers we are looking for."
The team at Harley Street offer support to all those hopeful parents who are having doubts or difficulties. Please take inspiration from our patient stories - everyone's journey is different, but there are ways to tackle all eventualities.
*Divya kindly accepted our invitation to write her story, in her own words, from where she’s been featured. As a trained medical specialist, Divya will also write about different important subjects such as medicines to be taken during pregnancy and the fertility journey. Divya also wrote her husband's perspective regarding their IVF journey.
Divya's story: Healing – A cycle of grief, gratitude, hurt and hope
Tony's story: IVF and our relationship.
Divya’s previous stories can be read by clicking the links below.
Our family: Divya and Tony. Part 1.
“There is no preparation for the rollercoaster that IVF is”
Our family: Divya and Tony. Part 2:
“I named my embryo ‘Peanut’. A very precious, very longed-for life, that it deserved a name, not a serial number.”
